//store the quotations in arrays
quotes = new Array(234);

quotes[0] = "Déjà Moo : The feeling you've heard this bull before.";
quotes[1] = "Never buy a car you can't push.";
quotes[2] = "If a thing is done wrong often enough, it becomes correct.";
quotes[3] = "Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.";
quotes[4] = "Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.";
quotes[5] = "Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.";
quotes[6] = "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."; 
quotes[7] = "Smoking helps you lose weight -- one lung at a time!";
quotes[8] = "I went to one of those new movies last week, it was so bloody it was rated O positive!";
quotes[9] = "We all go a little mad sometimes. -Psycho";
quotes[10] = "We're sitting on the most perfect beach in the world, and all we can think about is--Where can I hook up my modem?";
quotes[11] = "f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.";
quotes[12] = "A social life?   How do you download that?";
quotes[13] = "Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?";
quotes[14] = "Everyone talks about apathy but nobody does anything about it.";
quotes[15] = "A man spends the first half of his life learning habits that shorten the second half of his life.";
quotes[16] = "I don't have a big ego, I'm way too cool for that.";
quotes[17] = "If you sign a paper with an X, and then change your mind, how do you X it out?";
quotes[18] = "I have so many aches and pains that if a new one comes along today, it will be at least two weeks before I can worry about it.";
quotes[19] = "I'm getting so absent minded that sometimes in the middle of a sentence I";
quotes[20] = "I wouldn't be so paranoid if everyone didn't pick on me.";
quotes[21] = "Okay, I have a million awesome clip art images. Now what?";
quotes[22] = "Ideas are funny things.  They don't work unless you do.";
quotes[23] = "There's no place like http://www.home.com.";
quotes[24] = "My husband and I divorced over religious differences - He thought he was God.";
quotes[25] = "I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.";
quotes[26] = "I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.";
quotes[27] = "Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the $#&% happened.";
quotes[28] = "The meek may inherit earth. Those who dare, the stars.";
quotes[29] = "Sex is not a answer. Sex is a question. Yes is the answer.";
quotes[30] = "Are you still here?  The message is over.  Shoo!  Go away!";
quotes[31] = "I don't have the time for a hobby. I have a computer.";
quotes[32] = "Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will be known as an expert.";
quotes[33] = "If you do nothing, nothing will happen. If you do something, something will happen but not necessarily what you intended.";
quotes[34] = "Before having a midlife crisis, it's good to have a life.";
quotes[35] = "If you put off writing a difficult letter long enough, it will become irrelevant.";
quotes[36] = "I think someone should invent Beerguard, because how often do you actually spill Scotch on the carpet?";
quotes[37] = "Alarm clock:  Something that makes people rise and whine.";
quotes[38] = "Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.";
quotes[39] = "Where there's a will... I want to be on it.";
quotes[40] = "Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now.";
quotes[41] = "I need someone really bad... Are you really bad?";
quotes[42] = "I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.";
quotes[43] = "Surely I deserve some kind of recognition for all the bad things I haven't done.";
quotes[44] = "To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit, call it the target.";
quotes[45] = "My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.";
quotes[46] = "Seen on a bumper sticker: Not tonight, dear.  I have a modem.";
quotes[47] = "The only purpose my *to do* list serves is to remind me of what to feel guilty about not doing.";
quotes[48] = "Homeless man's sign at corner of 14th Street: Why lie? I need a beer.";
quotes[49] = "I have a computer & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?";
quotes[50] = "If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?";
quotes[51] = "If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.";
quotes[52] = "Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).";
quotes[53] = "A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.";
quotes[54] = "Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.";
quotes[55] = "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.";
quotes[56] = "I'm not into working out.  My philosophy: No pain, no pain.";
quotes[57] = "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.";
quotes[58] = "I'm not just a gardener, I'm a Plant Manager.";
quotes[59] = "Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.";
quotes[60] = "Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before.";
quotes[61] = "Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.";
quotes[62] = "Don't hate yourself in the morning... sleep until noon.";
quotes[63] = "Ideas are great provided they don't degenerate into work.";
quotes[64] = "My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.";
quotes[65] = "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 for little bottles of Evian water?  Evian backwards:  NAIVE.";
quotes[66] = "Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?";
quotes[67] = "If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one ENJOYS it?";
quotes[68] = "For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight hours of sleep and eight hours of work.";
quotes[69] = "The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.";
quotes[70] = "Health insurance is just like one of those hospital gowns. You only think you're covered.";
quotes[71] = "It's not the lions and tigers that'll get you. It's the mosquitos.";
quotes[72] = "The more you know, the more you know you ought to know.";
quotes[73] = "Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.";
quotes[74] = "Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.";
quotes[75] = "Aliens have invaded Earth! How else do you explain iMAC?";
quotes[76] = "If women don't fool around, and men do fool around, who are the men fooling around with?";
quotes[77] = "The worst thing about censorship is **************************.";
quotes[78] = "If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?";
quotes[79] = "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.";
quotes[80] = "Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.";
quotes[81] = "We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavours and furniture polish is made from real lemons.";
quotes[82] = "On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.";
quotes[83] = "And on the 8th day God said, 'OK Murphy, you take over.'";
quotes[84] = "It is better to have loved and lost than to have stayed married to a jerk for the rest of your life.";
quotes[85] = "Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.";
quotes[86] = "Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.";
quotes[87] = "I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!";
quotes[88] = "I said LUNCH not LAUNCH!!!!";
quotes[89] = "An actual sign in a Veterinarian's waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes.  Sit!  Stay!";
quotes[90] = "A Mother mouse and her baby were walking by a cave when a bat flew out.  'Look Ma!' said the youngster, 'An Angel.'";
quotes[91] = "If you think the grass is greener on the other side, dig up a chunk and turn it over to see.";
quotes[92] = "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.";
quotes[93] = "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.";
quotes[94] = "The trouble with doing something right first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.";
quotes[95] = "When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane, going the wrong way.";
quotes[96] = "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.";
quotes[97] = "It's always darkest just before I open my eyes.";
quotes[98] = "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, and someone yells, 'Shut up!'";
quotes[99] = "The grass is always greener when you remember to water it.";
quotes[100] = "All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.";
quotes[101] = "Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.";
quotes[102] = "I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.";
quotes[103] = "On the information super highway, I'm roadkill.";
quotes[104] = "My Reality Check bounced.";
quotes[105] = "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.";
quotes[106] = "I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.";
quotes[107] = "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.";
quotes[108] = "Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.";
quotes[109] = "Behind every argument is someone's ignorance. -- Louis D. Brandeis";
quotes[110] = "The worst-tempered people I have ever met were people who knew they were wrong. -- Wilson Mizner";
quotes[111] = "We occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of us pick ourselves up and hurry on as if nothing happened.";
quotes[112] = "Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch.";
quotes[113] = "Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.";
quotes[114] = "Diplomacy is saying 'Nice doggy' until you find a rock.";
quotes[115] = "Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.";
quotes[116] = "Are Cheerios really bagel seeds?";
quotes[117] = "I hate it when people don't finish their";
quotes[118] = "What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?  'DAM'";
quotes[119] = "Never hit a man with glasses, hit him with a baseball bat.";
quotes[120] = "Celtics: What a parasite salesman does.";
quotes[121] = "They say you shouldn't say anything about the dead unless it's good.   He's dead?  Good.";
quotes[122] = "What has four legs and an arm?  A happy pit bull.";
quotes[123] = "Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.";
quotes[124] = "Happiness: a combination of good health and a bad memory.";
quotes[125] = "64K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates, 1981";
quotes[126] = "Afterlife?  Is that like terminate and stay resident?";
quotes[127] = "Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.";
quotes[128] = "Life is short. Make fun of it.";
quotes[129] = "I'm not 30. I'm 17 with 13 years of experience.";
quotes[130] = "What do you want to do when you grow up? --I sort of have a long-range goal to not grow up. (Viggo Mortensen)";
quotes[131] = "Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation raps for years.";
quotes[132] = "Ever notice how ignorance picks-up confidence as it goes along?";
quotes[133] = "Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.";
quotes[134] = "People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.";
quotes[135] = "We have to believe in free will.  We have no choice.";
quotes[136] = "The great thing about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.";
quotes[137] = "The reason fish are so smart is because they live in schools.";
quotes[138] = "The most efficient labor-saving device is still money.";
quotes[139] = "Desire is irrelevant. I am a machine. -- Terminator 3";
quotes[140] = "I'm untouchable. -- Xander Cage, right before NSA agents crash his party and kidnap him. (xXx)";
quotes[141] = "If you want to stay out of debt, act your wage.";
quotes[142] = "If the directions for finding a place include the words 'You can't miss it,' you probably will.";
quotes[143] = "Amo a la Humanidad...lo que me revienta es la gente! -- Susanita, amiga de Mafalda";
quotes[144] = "La vida está en constante movimiento -- Parkinson";
quotes[145] = "No hay nada tan importante que no podamos olvidarlo -- Alzheimer";
quotes[146] = "El día que nosotros gobernemos, todos temblarán!! -- Los epilépticos";
quotes[147] = "No a la donación de órganos!!! -- Yamaha Instrumentos";
quotes[148] = "Mi esposa tiene un gran físico -- Albert Einsten";
quotes[149] = "Siempre quise ser el primero -- Juan Pablo II";
quotes[150] = "Me gusta la humanidad -- Un caníbal";
quotes[151] = "Eres la única mujer en mi vida -- Adán";
quotes[152] = "¡Me encanta ir a la escuela! -- Un piojo";
quotes[153] = "Courage is the fear of being thought a coward.";
quotes[154] = "Why wait for Mr. Right, when you can have Mr. Right Now?";
quotes[155] = "If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.";
quotes[156] = "Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.";
quotes[157] = "Insert inevitable trivial witticism of your choice.";
quotes[158] = "Take heart, the only person who always got his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.";
quotes[159] = "Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic reasons. --Missing Q. Centrifuged";
quotes[160] = "I think our number one problem is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything, but don't quote me.";
quotes[161] = "Humor is the ability to see three sides of the coin.";
quotes[162] = "Let's review: We get up real early, fight traffic and other cranky commuters to spend all day long at a place we hate. Am I missing something?";
quotes[163] = "If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?";
quotes[164] = "An expert is a man that has made all mistakes possible in a narrow field of expertise. (Albert Einstein)";
quotes[165] = "I don't know what weapons will be used in world war three, but in world war four people will use sticks and stones. (Albert Einstein)";
quotes[166] = "Those who race through life finish first. (Darrel Hunsbedt)";
quotes[167] = "You don't win silver. You lose gold.";
quotes[168] = "There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity. Ignorance can be cured by learning and reading. Stupidity isn't willing to be cured.";
quotes[169] = "Spotted on a desk: Of course I don't look busy ... I did it right the first time.";
quotes[170] = "People seem to get nostalgic about a lot of things they weren't so crazy about the first time around.";
quotes[171] = "Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?";
quotes[172] = "Make crime pay, become a lawyer. (Will Rogers)";
quotes[173] = "When in doubt... mumble.";
quotes[174] = "Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.";
quotes[175] = "Dad: Someone who hopes his sons will turn out to be just like him, and who is afraid his daughters will meet someone who did.";
quotes[176] = "Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.";
quotes[177] = "Truth is not determined by majority vote. (Doug Gwyn)";
quotes[178] = "If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?";
quotes[179] = "If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?";
quotes[180] = "What's another word for thesaurus?";
quotes[181] = "Why is abbreviation such a long word?";
quotes[182] = "Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?";
quotes[183] = "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.";
quotes[184] = "Would a fly without wings be called a walk?";
quotes[185] = "Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?";
quotes[186] = "WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead/knees.";
quotes[187] = "WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.";
quotes[188] = "There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'";
quotes[189] = "I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.";
quotes[190] = "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.";
quotes[191] = "Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.";
quotes[192] = "God must love stupid people; He made so many.";
quotes[193] = "Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.";
quotes[194] = "Yo no compro piratería... ¡Me la bajo de internet!";
quotes[195] = "La gente no es mala... ¡es estúpida!";
quotes[196] = "Assassins do it from behind.";
quotes[197] = "Black holes are where God is dividing by zero.";
quotes[198] = "Bureaucrats cut red tape ... lengthwise!";
quotes[199] = "Death before dishonor, but neither before breakfast.";
quotes[200] = "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.";
quotes[201] = "Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.";
quotes[202] = "Good Morning is a contradiction in terms.";
quotes[203] = "Hard work may not kill me, but why take chances?";
quotes[204] = "I have not lost my mind ... it's backed up on disk somewhere.";
quotes[205] = "I know karate, kung fu, and 47 other dangerous words.";
quotes[206] = "I never spit in your drink, why do you smoke in my air?";
quotes[207] = "I used to be disgusted ... now I'm just amused.";
quotes[208] = "If all else fails ... lower your standards.";
quotes[209] = "If it has syntax, it isn't user friendly.";
quotes[210] = "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.";
quotes[211] = "I'm apathetic and I don't care.";
quotes[212] = "¿Qué es peor, la ignorancia o la indiferencia? No sé, ni me interesa.";
quotes[213] = "I'm not unemployed ... I'm looking for the perfect job. No, really!";
quotes[214] = "Indecision is the basis of flexability.";
quotes[215] = "It is better to remain silent and thought a fool then to speak up and remove all doubt.";
quotes[216] = "It's not a bug ... It's an undocumented feature.";
quotes[217] = "Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either.";
quotes[218] = "Live now ... procrastinate tomorrow!";
quotes[219] = "Mobile non-smoking area.";
quotes[220] = "Murphy's Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it.";
quotes[221] = "Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.";
quotes[222] = "Never confuse endurance with hospitality.";
quotes[223] = "Never let your schooling interfere with your education.";
quotes[224] = "Prepare for the future ... Read Science Fiction.";
quotes[225] = "Real programmers don't document ... If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.";
quotes[226] = "There's no need to do housework. After four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.";
quotes[227] = "We both have the same problem ... you!";
quotes[228] = "Your lack of planning does not constitute my emergency.";
quotes[229] = "Tengo en los bolsillos suficiente dinero como para vivir sin trabajar el resto de mi vida (siempre que me muera mañana)";
quotes[230] = "Soy una persona abierta, me intereso por todo, excepto el deporte, la cultura y la gente.";
quotes[231] = "Mi idea de deporte: un partido de ajedrez por Internet.";
quotes[232] = "Bienaventurados los borrachos porque ellos verán a Dios 2 veces.";
quotes[232] = "A picture may be worth a thousand words but it uses up a thousand times more memory.";

 //calculate a random index
index = Math.floor(Math.random() * quotes.length);

 //display the quotation
document.write("\"" + quotes[index] + "\"");